


I will find you

by Hello_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Hurt Castiel, I'm still not getting better at tags, Just give it a change, M/M, Sam is shipper #1, Slow Burn, Worried Dean Winchester, it's not that bad I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-23 15:55:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17686523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Trash/pseuds/Hello_Trash
Summary: When a collector of supernatural artefacts is on the way to get to the famous Dean Winchester, Castiel throws himself in front of Dean before the stranger could even get the change to say Dean’s name.





	1. Angel with a mission

Chapter 1  
  
Castiel always had trouble figuring out human emotions.  
Anger, fear, pain, desire, love.. He’d experienced them all, without really understanding them.  
Humans were complicated, fragile.  
That’s why when he heard that something was coming for Dean Winchester he didn’t hesitate and left the bunker with a mission.  
  
He’d heard about it from another angel, not in person no-.. the celestial beings he once called his family all hated him now. But that was okay, Castiel had let that go a long time ago.  
He’d heard about her through angel radio.  
  
As far as he knew, she was a human.  
So he was going to be able to kill her with his angelblade.  
He’d wanted to bring a gun too, but his aim was still terrible, and as soon as he’d finished this he was going to ask Dean to teach him how to shoot.  
  
He has to approach her fast and careful, although this woman was human, she had gone mad. Insane even, and Castiel wouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating her.  
  
He knew where her collection was, he just hoped that she hadn’t left and headed for the bunker already.  
In that case he could only pray that they would cross paths before she could reach her destination.  
___  
  
‘’I just don’t understand why he left again!’’  
  
‘’Dean, calm down. Cas hasbeen gone for two days, he’s gone off the radar before, for like months. He always comes back.’’  
  
‘’And do you care to remember how he comes back?! He comes back bloody and broken and barely alive! He doesn’t give a shit about himself and it scares me to death! I’m sick of it Sam, we’re going to find him BEFORE some rogue angel or demon does this time.’’  
  
Sam sighed and rolled his eyes.  
  
‘’What?’’  
  
‘’I sometimes just forget how emotional unstable you become when you don’t know where Cas is.’’  
  
‘’Shut your damn mouth.’’  
  
‘’But you’re right, Cas is a member of our doomed family and with that comes having no self esteem and throwing yourself in the face of death whenever we have the change. So let’s find him.’’  
  
‘’I’m always right.’’  
  
Sam huffed. ‘’That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.’’  
  
‘’Always listen to your big brother, Sammy!’’ Dean shouted as he went to pack his bag.  
___  
  
It was silent in the car he’d stolen from the bunker.  
Dean’s music wasn’t there to brighten up the mood, or Sam’s light snoring that somehow seemed relaxing to the angel, as he could focus on it instead of his complicated thoughts.  
  
Those thought were about one particular human, one he’d considered his brother for a long time.  
But he knew better now.  
He didn’t see Dean as his brother, he would die for him. (he already had several times) He would give Dean everything he had to give and more. He became dangerously drunk on his feelings sometimes, he loved the human. In his long live Castiel had never thought he would be able to really love someone… but here he was pulling his heart out for a men.  
  
There was nothing he wouldn’t do for the oldest Winchester…  
Except maybe confess these feelings to Dean.  
  
But that was a problem for later, right now he needed to focus on his mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This chapter used to be longer but then my dumb ass decided to accidentally delete everything.  
> So I had to write it again by memory and added some stuff but I just wasn't able to save everything.  
> I promise that longer chapters are waiting :) 
> 
> Updates whenever I'm ready with a new chapter.


	2. Drive faster

Chapter 2  
  
Castiel noticed that he got tired after driving for a while.  
He wasn’t running on stolen grace, or falling. But he also wasn’t on full power and he had figured out a while back that he needed to sleep every now and then.   
  
So he checked into a motel with a fake name and threw himself on the bed.  
He closed his eyes and drifted away in less than 5 minutes.   
  
He awoke about 2 hours later when his door was knocked down.  
There was a female figure standing in the dark doorframe.  
  
She turned on the light and grinned.  
‘’Hello Castiel.’’ 

Castiel didn’t hesitate and jumped off the bed, he already knew who she was, the description he’d gotten of her fitted perfectly.   
He slipped his angelblade out of the sleeve of his trenchcoat. 

‘’t-t-t. None of that, we need to have a nice long chat.’’ She told him.   
She muttered some Enochian words and Castiel fell to the ground and wasn’t able to move as much as his finger. He was completely frozen.  
  
‘’Well, I was hunting for your boyfriend first.. But I can’t say no to an Angel like you Cassie. You always seemed fascinating to me. And I was planning on getting you soon anyways!’’  
  
‘’How do… you know me?’’ Castiel grunted, he could still move his lips, but it took a lot of effort to talk.  
  
‘’Owh I just do my research, read the internet.. those great Winchester novels helped quit a bit. And now I get to add you to my collection! You will fit right in. And, I know for a fact, that if you touch the Winchester’s pet angel.. they will come running right into your arms! So don’t worry, you won’t be alone for too long Cas.’’   
  
Castiel cringed at the nickname. He always hated it when somebody else besides Sam and Dean used it.  
___  
  
‘’I swear to god, adding GPS to his phone was the best decision we’ve ever made.’’  
  
‘’You’re not wrong there, but I guess we make shitty decisions.   
Hey, do you want me to drive for while? You look like you can use a nap.’’ Sam suggested.  
  
‘’No thanks. You drive like a grandma.’’  
  
‘’I drive fine! I just don’t want to crash this car because I know you will kill me if I do, even though your drive style is up there with suicidal.’’  
  
‘’Sassy Sam.’’ Dean muttered under his breath.  
  
‘’Bad comeback bro.’’

‘’Bitch.’’

‘’Jerk.’’  
  
After that they drove silent for a few minutes. Until Dean broke it by cursing loudly.  
‘’Fuck!” He slammed his hand down on the wheel in frustration.   
  
‘’What’s wrong?’’   
  
‘’We lost the signal. Why does the dibshit always forget to charge his goddamn phone?’’  
  
‘’Well, you can’t really blame him, he’s gone centuries without.’’   
  
‘’We really have to teach him that. Jezus.’’   
  
‘’Just drive to the place where we lost him, he was standing still for like an hour anyways so he probably decided to go to a motel or something.’’   
  
‘’Stay where ever the fuck you are Cas.’’ Dean whispered mostly to himself.  
  
____  
  
Maybe Dean didn’t intend to pray, but Castiel heard it anyways.   
He rolled his eyes at the irony, ‘’Stay where ever the fuck you are Cas.’’ It’s not like he had a choice in the matter.  
But it seemed like that was going to change soon, because the woman lifted Castiel over her shoulder and carried him out of the motel.  
  
She dumped him in the back of a white van, before closing the doors she took a set off Enochian cuffs out of her pocket.  
  
‘’Can’t be too careful with you angels.’’   
  
‘’You won’t get away with this, I’m not going to become some piece of your collection and neither will Dean.’’ 

‘’That’s what they all say, but believe me sweetie, eventually all of you are the same; you all have a breaking point. And with your history, it may take a while before I find yours… but I will Cas. I will.’’ 

‘’My name is Castiel.’’ He sneered as she put the cuffs on.

‘’Owh I’m sorry. I didn’t know that Cas was reserved for Winchesters. But I liked Cassie more anyways… like you’re a small vulnerable child, or do I need to say small fledgling? ya know.. with those wings and all.’’   
  
‘’Go to hell.’’   
  
‘’Don’t like the weather there.’’ She said and then the doors closed, leaving Castiel alone with his thoughts in the dark as the engine started.


	3. We're the same

Chapter 3  
  
It didn’t take long before Sam and Dean reached a motel.  
  
‘’This is where we lost the signal, I hope he’s still here.’’ Dean announced.  
  
‘’Yeah, me too.’’  
  
They told the lady at the counter that they were just here to visit a friend and didn’t need a room, Dean showed her a picture of Cas and asked if she knew in which room he was staying.  
  
After looking at Dean and Sam for a second the woman decided they looked sane enough and answered that she had checked Castiel in in room 5B.  
  
They knocked on the room but when there was no reaction Dean took a bobby pin (he was suddenly very thankful for Sam’s girly long hair) from his pocket and unlocked the door.  
  
The room seemed to be completely empty, no sign of Cas in sight.  
The angel didn’t leave marks, he had no belongings to forget and even if he had he would be careful enough to make sure he took everything with him.  
  
‘’Dean? Come look at this.’’  
  
Dean walked over to where Sam had been standing and saw his brother pull an angelblade from underneath the bed.  
  
‘’That’s Cas’s.’’  
  
‘’Seemed your gut was telling you the right thing Dean, I think Cas in trouble. He would never leave willingly without his blade.’’  
___  
  
Castiel counted the seconds in the back of the van, it was hard to not let his mind wonder.  
Normally he wouldn’t have to count, he would just knew how many had passed, but since the cuffs were making him basically human, he had to try to follow the right and lefts the van took, and count the seconds to know how long he was going to have to walk back to the motel if he managed to escape.  
  
But first this woman needed to die.  
He wouldn’t let her get her dirty hands on Dean, Castiel knew that much.  
  
After 43.357 seconds the van stopped, which meant he was a little over 12 hours away from the motel.  
After 43.530 seconds the door of the back of the car opened, blinding Castiel with the sudden daylight.  
  
‘’Hey Cassie, had a nice ride?’’  
  
She was met by silence as Castiel refused to give her the satisfaction of an answer.  
  
‘’Playing the silent game huh? We’ll fix that soon enough. Let’s get you settled in your new home first.’’  
  
She took a blindfold and placed it before Castiel’s eyes, she then checked his cuffs (who were still very much closed even though Castiel had bleeding wrist because he tried to get out of him with all his strength) and forced him to his feet as she guided him into a building.  
  
The first thing Castiel noticed was how extremely cold it was, normally his vessel would be the same temperature in any weather, he was never too cold or too hot.  
  
But now he could feel his teeth clatter and chills run over his back.  
  
She guided him into a room, he felt her taking off his handcuffs but before he could react to it she had already muttered the Enochian phrase that made him loose all control over his vessel and once again he was dropping to the ground, unable to move.  
  
He felt her lift him up and heard the sound of metal chains as she put much heavier cuffs on him which were attached to the ceiling.  
He felt his power being locked down once again as she took the blindfolds off. 

‘’Welcome to my headquarters! You won’t be able to see much of it because I know you will try to escape or kill me when I’ll try to give you a tour, so we’re just going to skip that part.’’  
  
‘’What are you going to do to me?’’ 

‘’Normally I don’t give spoilers, but you’re special Cassie.. I’ve been testing on other angels for a long time, all leading up to this moment. Leading up to owning you. And soon enough, owning Dean Winchester.’’  
  
‘’You don’t own me. I’m not a collectible, and you will never get your hands on Dean. You’ll die for just looking at him.’’  
  
‘’Owh no, but you are. You’re mine. For now and forever, just like Dean will be. But for now I want to see the look on your face as I explain what I’m going to do to you and him. So let me break it down for you halo. First I’ll force out your wings.. or what’s left of them. Just so everybody knows what you really are; a bird trapped in a cage. Then I’m going to give you a new look and now the fun part, have you noticed the temperature around here?’’  
  
And that’s when it dawned in on Castiel.  
It was cold enough in this building to contain frozen bodies without them going to waste.  
  
‘’Yes smart boy! I’m going to freeze you Cassie. You won’t age or die, which when I think about it is nothing new for you. But you also won’t be able to move. You can only think.. you’ll be trapped inside your head. Just you, your thoughts and the never ending cold.’’

 

‘’Stop this madness. You won’t succeed, and you know it.’’  
  
‘’You’re scared? That’s okay Castiel. You should be. But I’m not done yet, when I get to the Winchesters, and I WILL get to the Winchesters, I’m going to bring them here, I’m going to kill Sam and make Dean watch, then show him your frozen form so he will be completely and utterly broken when I freeze him with his lonely sad little thoughts, and I’m going to make sure that his cell will be facing yours, so you’ll see each other but you’ll never be able to reach each other.’’  
  
‘’Why are you doing this?’’  
  
‘’Why?’’ She let out a laugh.  
  
‘’Because I can, because I want you and Dean to realise what you could have.  
Because I have wanted to own you both for so long, and because we’re the same Castiel, because I never told my one true love that I loved him before it was too late. And our story will end the same, you will never tell him and never reach him.. but you’ll always keep seeing him.’'  
___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't start feeling bad for her just yet...


	4. Louise

Chapter 4  
  
‘’So what are we going to do now? We have no leads, no evidence we can use, not one fingerprint and there’s no sign of a struggle or a fight in Cas’s room. How the hell are we going to find him?’’ Dean said with a sigh, they had been sitting in the abandoned motel room and trying to come up with a plan.  
  
‘’I don’t know man… I think we should get a room here and just continue this as a normal hunt. Ask the locals if there are more disappearances around here.’’ 

‘’Sam, Cas has heaven and hell gunning for his head. I don’t he’s been taken by a vampire or some shit, a monster would have been children’s play for him. No- whatever took him, knew what he or she was doing.’’  
  
‘’So you think this was planned? But how did they know Cas would be here?’’ 

‘’Maybe they followed him? I don’t know Sammy, I just know we need to find him.’’   
  
There were a few minutes of silence and then Dean announced he was going to take a shower and that they would search the town tomorrow.   
  
Sam stared out of the window, there weren’t a lot of stars to see. The room was on the second floor and Sam could see quit a lot from here, the streets had a creepy glow caused by the streetlights. It was completely empty, no cars in the parking lot and no people wondering around.   
No people to see where Cas had gone.  
  
Sam let out a sigh.

He was worried for his friend, and for his brother who was slowly driving him insane.  
He’d known for a long time that there was more than friendship building between the two, but the process of it was so slow that Sam wondered how many more he could take before he’d have to step in.  
Yeah, that would be one hell of an akward conversation which he was not looking forward to.   
His brother better gets his shit together, and fast.  
  
Dean needed Cas, but he wasn’t the only one. Sam had grown so used to Cas, it felt unnatural to not see his brother and the angel locked in gaze on the daily.   
  
How were they gonna find their friend? Maybe there was something in the lore.  
There had to be some kind of tracking spell they could use, right?   
  
Sam walked over to his laptop and begin his research.   
He wasn’t going to stop until he’d found a way to find Cas.  
___  
  
Castiel was scared to see the state his wings were in, after Metatron cut out his graceand he’d fallen they had been damaged, since he got his grace back he still hadn’t dared to look at them.   
They hurt, he couldn’t move them and he knew they needed a lot of work and care, but he himself couldn’t reach them and he wasn’t going to ask someone else to touch his wings.   
  
There was too much trauma from where other angels had touched them while he was being ‘’re-educated’’ a long time ago.  
  
‘’You don’t have to do this… uhm..’’ He didn’t even knew her name, it wasn’t like he really cared. To him she was a monster, but it had more become a habit of his to call people by their names.  
When had he become so human?  
  
‘’Louise, my name is Louise. And yes I do, you may not be the one who took him from me, but you’re close enough. You work together with those… _hunters._ ’’ She said the word as if was something poisonous, something wrong.  
  
‘’A hunter killed your… ‘’  
  
‘’You can’t really call him my husband now, can’t you? Because I was stupid and dumb, I didn’t realise what I had until it was gone. So like you.’’

‘’But yeah, a hunter killed Jim. He was innocent, he didn’t even know monsters walked the earth. A vampire grabbed him, to feed from him, and when hunters came to kill the vampires, they killed Jim too. And you know why? Because they thought he was one of them. He wasn’t! He was human! He didn’t have vampire blood anywhere near him! He had no fangs!’’ 

‘’I’m sorry, but not all hunters are like that.. Sam and Dean.. They are different. They are careful. They will never kill an innocent human being.’’   
  
She took a deep breath to calm herself, and went on;   
  
‘’That’s where you are wrong Cassie, they aren’t. They almost ended the world- several times! And I’m sure Dean killed innocents, probably more than just one.. I know all about his little demon adventure. No, you and the Winchesters need to be stopped. You need to suffer. I’m simply doing my job here Castiel, and it’s long overdue.’’ 

She began to speak Enochian, before the second word of the spell had been spoken Castiel could already feel them start to move.   
  
He clenched his teeth as she started to force his wings out, he tried to fight it, but it was no good. When she’d finished her chant, he threw his head back and let out a scream as two giant wings forced his way through the ethereal plane and into this world.  
  
‘’Well… These are looking rather rough aren’t they Cassie? Who clipped your wings? Ouch- Sorry I forgot, that was your own fault.’’   
  
Castiel could feel his eyes burn and had to blink several times to keep them from falling.   
He wouldn’t get out of this one, not like this.   
He’d failed Dean.   
Again.  
_____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tum tum tum!! She's doing this out of revenge.. sorta? lil bit?   
> Don't worry, I'll give you guys enough time to hate on her, but she needed a back story first ;)   
> Don't hesitate to comment or leave some kudos, I really appreciate it :)


	5. Finding Cas

Chapter 5  
  
‘’Dean? I think I found something!’’  
  
Dean seemed to sprint out of the shower in record time.  
  
‘’Well… do tell!’’   
  
‘’I remembered Castiel once using a tracking spell to find Balthazar, I just didn’t remember how he did it, so I searched for it on the internet and get this; we only need myrrh, human blood and holy water and do we have anything from Castiel?’’  
  
‘’I think we still have myrrh in the back of the impala, and we found his angelblade remember? Let’s get this party started Sammy!’   
  
‘’Dean, you haven’t slept in 3 days. We can do this tomorrow, you need your hours or you’re goingto crash down.’’   
  
‘’Nah, I’m good Sammy. And I won’t be able to sleep until we find the idiot and I whooped his ass for ditching us like that.’’   
  
Right, this was Dean, he thrived on making sure the people he cared about were save, and if that meant having no sleep in 3 days what so ever, then so be it.  
  
Sam rolled his eyes.  
‘’I’ll go get the ingredients from the back of the impala.’’   
___  
  
‘’I’m wondering Castiel. You seem to have an unlimited amount of faith in these brothers, but they are surely taking there time to show up huh? Do you think they are even looking for you at all? Or do you think they haven’t even noticed that you’re gone?’’  
  
Castiel knew they were looking for him, he’d heard Dean pray to him, to stay where he was. That prayer had been a waste of time, but Castiel did know now that the brothers were looking for him.  
He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to stop them from finding him, they would find him.   
He just hoped he was still going to be able to protect them when the time came.  
  
‘’Now, I must say Castiel. You don’t really look like an angel. Sure these.. ‘’   
She let her hand glide over the black feathers. ‘’Give you more of an angelic look, but your outfit doesn’t match them at all! We need something more angel- like. That way you’ll fit better in my collection and Dean won’t forget what you are.’’  
  
Castiel was actually quit surprised about how well his wings look, sure there were some scars and bare skin was showing on the places we’re there were no feathers. But after the fall he thought his wings would never heal, he thought he would never be able to fly again, but if he got out of here and his wings continued to heal, he may feel the wind gliding through them once again.   
  
Castiel will never forget the feeling of flying, it relaxed him, helped him remember who he was and what he stood for.   
He could fly high above the towns and buildings his father’s creation had build, he would admire them from above, watched the sun set and the little lights turn on as the humans got ready to eliminate the dark. He could fly even higher and touch the clouds, making figures in them with his wings.   
All in all, Castiel would give a lot to fly again.

‘’Why are they black Cassie? I’ve never seen black wings before. All your brothers and sisters have white wings. What makes you so special?’’   
  
‘’Nothing. There are more angels with black wings, they're just not as common as white.’’   
  
‘’Mmmhhh.. interesting. Now Cassie, it’s time for you to change your clothes. I have a nice set here.’’ She showed him the clothing she’d picked out for him, it was a white dress-like t-shirt with small golden details, Louise was holding a headpiece in her other hand, it was a golden laurel wreath.   
  
Castiel huffed.

‘’What is wrong Castiel, don’t you like it?’’   
  
‘’Is this what you think that angels wore back in the days? We almost never came down to earth, and we would do our best to fit in, we wouldn’t wear clothing like this except if it’s what everyone wore, this outfit also seems rather vulnerable, and we fought battles. This can’t protect you in a fight.’’   
  
‘’It looks angelic. Now shut up and let me do my work.’’   
  
Louise took a blade in her hand and began to cut off his familiar layers of clothing.   
He felt sad when she ripped his trench coat to shreds, just to see the look on his face. He hoped he was still able to fix it later, but he was probably just going to have to buy a new one again.   
___  
  
  
After drawing the sigil on the table Sam placed a bowl on top of it, he carefully placed three pieces of myrrh in the middle and brought a knife up to his hand when Dean stopped it.  
  
‘’Wait, let me do it.’’ 

‘’Why?’’ 

‘’Well.. He once said we have a more.. profound band. I think it has to do with him pulling me out of hell and his weird handscar on my shoulder. It may help me cast the spell better or something.’’

‘’Okay.. uhm here then.’’ Sam handed Dean the knife.  
  
Dean made a small cut and let a few drops of his blood fall down in the bowl, when the myrrh began to glow he took Cas’s angelblade ad placed it in the bowl, he then looked at the laptop standing next to the bowl and did his best to pronounce the incantation as best as he could.  
  
‘' _Zod ah mah rah na ee es lah gee roh sah”_ he said as he sprinkled the holy water on top.  
His Enochian wasn’t flawless but Dean thought he did an okay job.

He closed his eyes and a coordinate suddenly popped up inside his head.  
  
‘’I know where he is.’’

  
‘’Okay, that’s good Dean. But you won’t be off any use to him if you fall down and let yourself get hurt so.. please just sleep for a few hours.’’   
  
‘’I can sleep in the car, but you better drive your fucking ass off because he’s not close.’’   
  
It wasn’t as good as a full night sleep but Sam was happy his brother had agreed to close his eyes. 


	6. A cold room

Chapter 6  
  
The outfit looked ridiculous on Castiel.  
It also was very cold, a lot of his skin was showing. The material of the dress was very thin and half of his shoulder was still exposed, along with his legs, arms, back and his wings.  
  
He was going to make sure this woman had a long and painful death.  
First he needed to figure out how to get out of these doomed chains.  
He sighed and let his head hang as he heard footsteps announcing that Louise had returned.  
  
‘’Your room is ready! I’m very sad that Dean hasn’t shown up yet. I think that after you’re done and set, I’m going to have to go out and hunt him after all.’’  
  
‘’You really think that they won’t be ready? They will kill you. So if I were you, I’d make the smart choice. Let me go, find another path and don’t come near me and the Winchesters ever again.’’  
  
‘’Nice try Cassie, but I finally have you exactly where I want you. So you’re not going to slip through my fingers that easily.’'  
  
‘’It’s your funeral.’’  
___  
  
Dean didn’t keep his promise of sleeping in the car,  
He’d won the argument at last because he knew where they had to go, Sam did not.  
  
‘’Do we have any clue on what took him?’’ Dean asked.  
  
‘’Yes, Cas made the mistake of doing his research on my laptop. I think he went out to stop a woman called Louise Anderson.’’  
  
‘’Why would he go after a human?’’  
  
‘’I wasn’t finished, it says here that she’s a collector of supernatural artifacts. She’s been wanted for kidnapping, murder and several car thefts. The police caught her once and she told them that she’d been experimenting on things that weren’t human, that she was doing gods work.’’  
  
‘’So what? She caught herself some demons and had some fun? Cas wouldn’t go after someone who was murdering monsters. That’s just seems like another hunter.’’  
  
‘’Dean, I think she’s also been experimenting on Angels.’’ 

‘’Shit. That would make sense, she would know enough tricks’n shit to be able to get to Cas because she was prepared.’’

‘’When was the last time he called you?’’  
  
‘’Four days and 2 hours ago.’’  
  
‘’How long until we’re there?’’  
  
‘’10 hours at least. But I can makes it 8 if you let me drive ‘’Suicidal.’’  
  
‘’Just go faster, I think this Louise woman is actually able to hurt Cas bad.’’  
  
Dean smirked. ‘’We’re coming Cas. Don’t let this bitch get to you.’’  
___  
  
Again Dean probably didn’t notice he was silently praying to Cas.  
He smiled slightly of relief. They were coming.  
But his relief turned into worry because Louise was dangerous, Sam and Dean couldn’t possibly know what they were walking into.  
  
It was too late anyways. Louise was working on his chains, when he was free she held an angelblade to his chin.  
  
‘’Don’t try anything.’’ She slipped a pair of Enochian handcuffs on him again and the few seconds Castiel could feel his grace flow freely in his body were over.  
  
‘’Walk.’’  
  
Castiel could feel the blade in his back, and with his grace bound he didn’t risk to play games, so he walked.  
  
‘’Here, stop.’’  
  
She made him stop right before a room, the door was made of glass and there were big windows so you could see almost everything in the room. The glass itself was frozen, and Castiel could feel the cold from where he stood, he calculated his chances and if she kept the handcuffs on him he would be completely frozen within 2 hours, but the cold could never kill him.  
  
If Dean was also frozen, he would be death within an hour  
.  
‘’You can keep me in here for centuries, but Dean will be dead in under an hour. And you want him alive right? Don’t freeze him, please.’’  
  
‘’I’ve realised that too… So I changed my plan. Do you see the room right before yours? It’s not frozen, I kept it warm and cozy. But your Dean will be locked up in there, I’m going to make sure he will never leave that room, he will die in there and he won’t be able to even touch you.’’  
  
She opened the door and pushed Castiel inside.  
  
‘’Goodbye Cassie, have a nice stay.’’  
  
The door closed and Castiel folded his wings around himself to give him somewhat protection against the cold.  
It wouldn’t stop him from freezing but it may just take a little longer.


	7. We don't kill humans... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im such a dumbass, I updated this story 5 days ago but with the wrong chapter.  
> I posted 8 after 6 and totally forgot 7, I figured it out (a little late) and posted 7 anyways, sorry if I confused anyone!

Chapter 7  
  
The cold was biting on Castiel’s skin and his wings. He tried to keep moving, and had slowly unfolded his wings, curiously flapping them around.  
It’s was weird having them out of his vessel and in reach like this, he’d never had them out in a vessel except for the shadows if he wanted to be intimidating.

The extra weight made walking a bit.. clumsy. And he doubted he could do more with them than just flap them around a bit.  
  
What would Dean think about his wings?  
He would probably make a stupid joke about them.  
Castiel sighed.  
It was really getting cold now, he sighed and a little cloud formed from his lips.  
  
Maybe this would go faster if he was asleep?  
He was as good as human, so if he tried he could probably drift away into peaceful darkness.  
  
He hoped Sam and Dean would be there when he woke up.  
He closed his eyes and lied down on the cold frozen floor.  
______  
  
‘’She’s human right?’’  
  
‘’Yeah, I mean we can’t know for certain but I think so.’’  
  
‘’So a bullet to her brain is enough?’’  
  
‘’Since when do we kill humans Dean?’’  
  
‘’Since she fucking touched Cas. Nobody gets a free pass after touching Cas.’’  
  
‘’Except for you.’’ Sam whispered.  
  
‘’What did you say?’’ Dean snapped back.  
  
‘’Nothin. Just keep driving.’’  
  
It was completely dark outside, the Winchesters could use this to their advantage, because they had a black car and Dean would make sure to put the headlights out if they could see the building.  
  
A big abandoned factory came into view, and Dean instantly knew that this was it.  
He put out the headlights and parked the impala quickly.  
  
He jumped out of his seat and grabbed his gun from the back.  
Sam had to run after him since his brother was already walking his bowlegs over to the front door with big speed.  
  
‘’Dean, hold up. Do we have a plan?’’  
  
‘’Yes, get Cas the hell out of here.’’ He said, Dean pushed the door open and the both of them gasped.  
  
‘’Jezus christ. She’s a maniac.’’  
  
‘’She deep froze herself some vampires? What the hell are they wearing?  
This looks like something straight out of another bad Dracula movie.’’  
  
They walked further through the hallway and discovered that she’d frozen all kinds of monsters, all wearing some type of costume and looking way too pale.  
  
Eventually, they came across an empty room that didn’t appear to be frozen and Dean wondered why that was. He then turned around and almost had a heart-attack.  
  
On the floor of the frozen room was his friend, Cas was wearing some hideous walmart version of an angel and were those? His wings.. No. They we’re probably also fake. Cas had told them he’d lost them in the fall. But they looked so real? And was that bone..? Yeah okay, maybe not-fake then. What the hell?  
  
‘’CAS!?’’ He shouted, he banged his hands on the glass, but his friend didn’t wake and the glass was still whole.  
Dean tried to kick the door in, and when that didn’t work he tried shooting it, and when that didn’t work he stepped aside so his giant brother could try kicking it in, which again had no effect.  
  
‘’He can’t hear you.’’ A woman voice said.  
Dean turned around and what he assumed was Louise came into view from were she’d been hiding behind the corner. 

Dean pulled his gun an aimed it at her.  
‘’What the fuck did you do to him?’’  
  
‘’I was just playing with him, but he wasn’t being so nice, so I let him cool down a bit.’’ 

‘’I’m going to shoot you you fucking bitch-‘’  
  
‘’Dean.’’ Sam grabbed his arm. ‘’We need her.’’  
  
He shot Sam an angry look but eventually agreed, he still kept his gun pointed at Louise.  
  
‘’Open the door, get him out.’’ 

‘’Was planning on doing that anyways.’’ She shrugged with an annoying and way too cocky look on her face.‘’Wouldn’t want to have Cassie miss the show now would we?’’  
  
‘’Yeah, I bet your death would be very fucking entertaining to him.’’  
  
‘’Or yours.’’ She grinned, but went to open the door with a key she’d kept in her bra.  
  
‘’Now get him out.’’  
  
‘’Why won’t you? You’re supposed to be his big saviour. He though you wouldn’t come, you know? Thought it was better anyways. Stupid angel wanted to protect you, always putting himself in front of the Winchesters, bet you find it handy, having a personal attack dog.’’  
  
‘’Shut up. And get. Him. Out. I won’t ask another time.’’  
  
‘’Fine fine- touchy touchy.’’  
She grabbed Castiel by his wings, (which Dean confirmed were definitely a 100% real) and dragged his lifeless body out of the freezing room.  
  
‘’Good.’’ Dean nodded and rushed over to the woman, but she was faster, she reacted immediately and kicked him in the nuts.  
  
‘’Bitch!’’  
  
Dean dropped the gun as he fell to his knees and Louise reached for it, aimed it at Sam and shot him in the leg.  
  
‘’Sammy!’’

She opened the door to the empty room that wasn’t frozen.  
  
‘’Get you and your brother in that room or I will kill Castiel. And believe me I can, I’ve had enough time to train on other angels.’’ 

Dean didn’t like the idea of being locked up in the same building as this crazy maniac bitch, but he couldn’t let Cas die.  
  
So he gathered himself together and helped Sam get up, and walked into the room.  
‘’I was planning on killing Sam, but you Winchesters don’t have the habit of staying dead, and I don’t need him out there hunting for me and killing everybody in his way for his brother and angelic tool. So he can stay here. With you.’’  
  
‘’What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’’ 

‘’I’m doing you and the world a favor. You act like you can’t see your feelings for the frozen, broken halo laying on the floor outside. But he’s come to terms with his feelings you know? Hell I think he even thought about saying them out loud once or twice! But you _hunters_ you don’t deserve him. You think you save the world. But you bring nothing but chaos and destruction. And you will feel the same pain I felt when your kind took my Jim away from me, and you will feel the pain of seeing him, every night, every day, but never being able to say sorry, to admit what you feel. Castiel suffers because our your blindness Dean. I want you to know that before you see what I’m going to do with him. This is all your fault.’’  
  
She closed the door and Dean couldn’t stop some tears from falling.  
He’d failed Cas.  
Again.


	8. Fire and shouting

Chapter 8

Castiel awoke, he didn’t feel cold.. he felt warmth all around him.   
When he slowly dared to open his eyes he realised the source of the warmth, he was laying in a ring of holy fire.   
  
‘’Wonderful isn’t it, what that holy fire can’t do to you angels. You were completely frozen mere seconds ago and look at you now!’’  
  
Castiel ignored Louise and slowly got up, he folded his wings tightly to his back, so they wouldn’t be burned by the fire.   
He blinked several times, he was disoriented, he had a slight headache and still wasn’t able to reach his grace because of the cuffs.  
Then he noticed that the not-frozen room wasn’t empty anymore. 

‘’Sam! Dean!’’ He shouted. Dean was busy holding a piece of fabric against Sam’s leg.. was he wounded? At least it’s better than the alternative, maybe Louise had decided to keep the younger Winchester alive? Castiel could only hope. 

Dean did seem to hear his shouts, he made a knot in the fabric around Sam’s leg and ran over to the glass.   
Castiel could hear the muffled shouts through the glass.   
  
‘’Cas! Are you okay?’’   
  
‘’I’m fine Dean, what happened to Sam?’’

‘’She shot him, but I got the bullet out and I think the wound stopped bleeding.’’   
  
‘’Good.’’ Castiel nodded.  
  
‘’Chathour is over guys, time to get to the fun part!’’ Louise announced.   
‘’I’m going to get some toys, but Cas you stay silent as a mouse okay? Wouldn’t want you spending too much time with your toxic boyfriend!’’ She muttered an Enochian spell and Castiel gasped, he suddenly was unable to talk, he could still move. He should be thankful for that at least. 

‘’Cas? What did she do?’’   
  
Castiel shook his head and pointed at his throat, Dean seemed to got the hint.   
  
‘’I’m going to kill her, and we’re going to get you out of here Cas.’’   
  
Dean wasn’t really in a position to make any promises, he was just as stuck as Castiel was.   
Castiel just looked at him with sadness in his eyes, with an apology that said ‘’sorry for dragging you into this’’ and with something else that Dean couldn’t but also could place.   
  
Eventually Louise came back, she was pushing a tray with painful looking things and Castiel swallowed.  
  
‘’Where to start where to start… Oh! I’ve been wanting to try this for a while now.’’   
She picked up a black long whip, the end of it the same metal as Castiel’s angel blade.  
  
‘’Your wings are up for a grooming Cassie, seems time you get a though, good and long session.’’   
She raised the whip above her head and Castiel had to bite his lip not to scream out as it landed on his right wing.  
____  
  
The pain didn’t lessen over time, it actually got a lot worse.   
The whip was growing hotter as it also went through the flames keeping Castiel in his place.  
It left firery, and painful marks along Castiel’s wings which reminded him of hellfire, but he may actually prefer hell over this.  
After a while he couldn’t stop yells and whimpers from escaping his mouth.   
  
Dean shouted along with Castiel, making threads and loosing track of how many times he’d said the word bitch.   
Dean even tried begging, but nothing worked.   
  
‘’Dean, what is happening?’’  
  
‘’She- She’s scourging him Sammy. We have to fucking do something!’’   
  
Dean didn’t stop watching his friend, just to be sure he didn’t die in the process.  
His heart broke a little as he actually saw tears making their way on Castiel’s face.  
Castiel, soldier of heaven, angel of the lord, though demon- smiting Castiel, but also Cas, vulnerable, emotion exploring, caring, Cas, was crying.   
Dean had never seen Cas cry, and he thought he never would.   
He couldn’t stand not being there to comfort his friend, telling him it was all going to be okay, gathering him in his arms and never letting go.  
  
At last, what felt like eternity, Louise stopped.   
She threw the now blood soaked whip back on the tray and Castiel tried to move his wings, tried to curl them as close to his body as he could, but even the slightest movement made his wings protest from agony and he whimpered.   
  
Louise looked between Cas and Dean with a font smile on her face.  
‘’Hey! Why are you all so down? We’re just getting started.’’   
  
Castiel wished she could just kill him already.


	9. Another shot

Chapter 9  
  
Louise walked over to the tray again and Castiel slowly raised his head, he hadn’t looked at Dean since the whipping started, he hated the fact that Dean had seen him this low, this broken… this useless.   
But Dean seemed to be trying to get Castiel’s attention, so he looked.   
  
Dean was pointing at something next to Castiel.   
Castiel frowned, not getting why Dean would be doing that.  
Then his eyes travelled over to where Dean had been pointing and he connected the dots.   
  
His headpiece had fallen into the ring of holy fire, creating a possible escape for Castiel.   
He nodded over to Dean, communicating he’d understand what he’d had to do.  
He was going to have to wait until the right moment, and then he would attack.

Castiel was done with being useless.  
  
Louise walked back to Castiel, this time she was holding a gun.  
Castiel had to act now, if she shot him he didn’t know if he had the energy or strength to get back up. 

He jumped over the headpiece and tried to ignore the pain that spiked through his wings as they were forced away from the cool ground.  
  
Louise yelled and aimed the gun at him but Castiel was faster and he grabbed an angelblade of the tray.   
  
‘’You tell me I’m just like one of them.’’   
  
_She shot, Castiel dodged._  
  
‘’But the only monster-‘’  
  
_Another shot, another miss.  
_  
‘’I see in this building, is _you_.’’   
  
He threw the angelblade and it landed in her throat, she fell to the ground hands reaching for the blade, but already bleeding too much to be able to survive the hit.  
Castiel hurried over to the tray once again grabbed the keys off it and hurried over to open the door that stood between him and his family.  
  
The door opened with a click, but another sound was also to be heard.  
  
The sound of a gunshot pierced through the air.  
  
Castiel yelled as the bullet pierced through the flesh on his back.   
  
Louise lifted her head once more and a small grin appeared on her face when her eyes closed for the last time.   
___  
  
Castiel appeared to be falling in slow motion, Dean hurried over to catch his best friend, and carefully gathered the angel in his arms.  
  
‘’Cas! Cas..Shit, fuck.’ there was a lot of blood on Dean’s hands- Castiel’s blood.   
  
His friend was shot, but he could heal from that right? _Please don’t let it be an angel-killing bullet, please don’t let it be an angel-killing bullet._  
  
‘’Dean.’’ Castiel grunted.  
  
‘’Yes? What- tell me how to fix this, why aren’t you healing?’’  
  
‘’C-cuffs.’’ Cas rasped.   
  
‘’Hold on Buddy, Sam! Little help here!’’   
  
‘’Coming!’’   
Sam got to them as fast as his injured leg allowed.  
  
‘’Hand me the blade, we need to get these fucking cuffs off.’’   
  
Sam handed Dean the blade and Dean sliced through the cuffs off in one swift motion.  
  
Castiel’s eyes glowed blue for a second but his pained expression didn’t leave his face after, making Dean worried.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ 

‘’I- It’s celestial- steal.. can’t.. get bullet- out.’’ 

_Shit.  
Why was the universe always against Dean?_


	10. Emergency

Chapter 10  
  
‘’It’s going to be okay Cas, I promise.’’  
  
Cas knew he was save here, so he didn’t fight it when darkness was forming around the corners of his eyes.  
His head rolled back and his body went limp in Dean’s arms.  
  
‘’Cas? Cas! Buddy don’t do this C’mon..’’  
  
‘’Is- Is he breathing?’’ Sam asked giving his brother a worried look. 

‘’I- ‘’ Dean carefully placed a hand before Cas’s mouth and sighed from relief when hot air was blew onto it.  
  
‘’Yes, h- he’s just unconscious.’’ Dean silently thanked Chuck.  
  
‘’We need to get him into the car, think you can help me Sam?’’ 

‘’Yeah, I’m fine.’’ Dean knew that was a lie, but they had managed to remove the bullet that had been stuck in Sam’s leg and the bleeding also stopped, Cas was in a way worse state right now and his brother would just have to wait, until the angel was stable. Well.. more stable than now.  
  
Dean placed his arms on the back of Cas’s back, between the ruined wings.  
Cas let out a hiss as Dean’s elbow accidentally bumped into Cas’s left wing and Dean muttered a small; ‘’Sorry.’’  
  
Sam took both of Castiel’s legs into his hands and they lifted him.  
It was hard to not bump into anything along the way, but eventually they made it to the impala. 

They lay Castiel down into the backseat and Dean had to ignore the ache to sit beside him and check if he was alright along the way, Sam couldn’t drive and Cas’s wings were making sure there was no room for Dean anyway.  
  
Dean had to drive careful, every time the car drove over a speed bump there was a pained sound to be heard from the backseat, which made Dean wish they could drive back to the bunker faster.  
  
‘’Dean, we have to stop by a hotel or something, he’s bleeding too much. There’s no time to drive the whole way back to the bunker.’’ 

Dean didn’t want a crapy hotel room, he wanted to take care of Cas in their home.  
But he also knew Sam was right, Cas needed help and he needed it now.  
  
Dean was relieved to saw a board that said; _‘’Hotel 2 miles’’_  
And grabbed onto the wheel tight, as he drove slightly faster but still careful.  
_____  
  
Castiel woke up he was staring directly in the faces of the Winchester hovering over him.  
  
‘’Cas? Hey! You with us buddy?’’ Dean grabbed Cas’s shoulder and green eyes met clouded ocean blue onces.  
Castiel had always been able to read Dean by just looking into those green eyes, Dean couldn’t look at him when he lied because Castiel could always get a hold of the truth in those eyes. And Castiel really needed to look at those eyes right now, he’d missed them a lot the last 4 days, had thought about them a lot. But whenever he tried to picture them, they always failed to be close to their real beauty, Dean’s green eyes were truly wonderful.  
  
Dean gathered that Cas’s extended gaze was an answer.  
  
‘’Sammy and I managed to get the bullet out, but it’s not healing. Is there something else she did with your grace?’’  
  
‘’GROSB, uhh… OL IPAMIS GOHO..’’  
  
‘’Right, English.. Cas?’’ 

The room was spinning and it began to grow hard for Castiel to focus on anything. His head was aching and words and language got mixed up in his head.  
  
‘’I-I don’t think so… but Angelbullet means longer- heal.’’  
  
‘’Want us to stitch it up for you Cas?’’ Sam asked. 

‘’Yes, might.. work.’’  
  
‘’You seem tired, why don’t you try and get some sleep while we sew you up huh? Might make it easier for us. And what do we do about your uhm…’’ Dean glazed over at the giant black wings, they were damaged and causing Cas a lot of pain. And Dean couldn’t stand to see Cas in pain. Hell, he’d seen more than enough of that for a lifetime. Especially after today.  
Dean wished he could bring Louise back to life so he could kill the bitch.  
  
Castiel frowned at Dean and managed to look.. offended?  
‘’I don’t need sleep Dean.’’  
  
‘’I think you do.’’ 

‘’My wings will heal, but I can’t put them back while they are doing so.’’  
  
‘’Okay, but can’t we like.. wrap them up or something? They’re.. uhm..’’ _What is an easy, not hurtful way to say this ‘’…_ torn.’’ 

Something flickered in Cas’s eyes and he looked away from Dean.

  
_Great job Dean._  
  
‘’We’ll figure out the wings later, we’re gonna stitch the wound now if that’s okay?’’  
  
‘’Okay.’’  
  
‘’Sam’s brought an emergency kit and there’s thread ’n shit in it.’’  
  
‘’Okay.’’  
  
‘’You need something to bite down on?’’  
  
Cas turned his head around and gave Dean bitchface 34 _I’m a warrior of the lord what the hell do you think?_  
  
Dean coughed.  
‘’Right, okay. Just tell us when you need a break.’’  
  
Castiel just rolled his eyes and turned his back to Sam and Dean so they could reach the bullethole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know Enochian, so I used a translator with the few words Cas said, there is no Enochian way to say ‘’I don’t know’’ So I changed it to I Cannot say, and GROSB means hurt so the entire sentence ‘’GROSB, uhh… OL IPAMIS GOHO..’’ means: ‘’Hurt, uhh.. I cannot say’’


	11. Fuck personal space

Chapter 11

‘’Mr I don’t need sleep.’’Dean muttered while he was busy stitching Castiel up.  
Castiel had made it a whole minute before dozing off. 

‘’Maybe you could cuddle up next to him? Bed is big enough.’’   
  
‘’Ha ha. Shut up Sammy.’’   
  
‘’No, I mean it Dean. You look like a zombie, I can take it from here. Just get some sleep.’’   
  
‘’After we’ve figured out what to do with those wings.’’   
  
‘’They.. really do look terrible.’’   
  
‘’Honestly, I’m surprised he still has them. Thought he lost them after the fall. They had even looked pretty okay before Louise.. ‘’ Yeah, Dean wasn’t gonna finish that sentence, he didn’t like where it was going and he didn’t want to think about that image ever again.   
  
‘’I think the fall just wounded them, but Louise did worse.. Maybe they just need time? I don’t think there is anything else we can give him right now.’’   
  
Dean didn’t agree, he could think about a lot that he could say and give to Cas.   
But he wasn’t going to because he was not that selfish.   
  
‘’Fine, then I’ll get some sleep. You good though?’’ 

‘’Yeah, Doesn’t need stitches I think. I’m gonna take a shower.’’   
  
‘’Okay, good. Wake me if you need anything.’’ Dean placed his jacket under his head and got comfortable on the ground.  
  
‘’You’re gonna sleep on the ground?’’   
  
‘’Birdy needs room for his feathers. It’s fine Sam. You can take that shower now, I can smell you from here.’’

Sam huffed and quickly grabbed some new clothes and got into the shower.   
  
____  
  
Dean wasn’t anywhere to be seen when Castiel woke up.   
  
‘’Dean?’’

‘’Mhppff..’’   
  
‘’Are… you sleeping on the ground?’’

‘’Only one bed.’’ 

‘’You can join me? It’s big enough.’’ Castiel didn’t say he wanted Dean next to him, that he still felt cold, like he could be back there, at any minute. He needed Dean next to him to remind him he was save.   
  
‘’Well, my back’s being a bitch. Can’t hurt to try.’’   
  
Castiel pulled his right wing (which had escaped more damage than his left) close to his body, so Dean could lay down next to him.  
  
‘’I’ve missed you Dean.’’ Maybe it was because he had just woken up, but Castiel felt sentimental, grateful. Happy even, if he ignored the aching pain in his wings.   
At least the bullet hole had started to heal.

  
‘’Missed ya too Cas.’’   
  
Dean got closer to Cas and pulled an arm around the angel, cuddling up against his side.   
  
‘’What happened to personal space?’’ Cas teased.   
  
‘’Fuck personal space.’’ 

Castiel placed his right wing against Dean’s back and felt Dean relax.   
He focused on Dean’s breathing and he himself relaxed into the touch too.   
They fell asleep against each other.   
  
Sam got out of the shower and found Cas and Dean asleep like that.   
  
He grinned.   
‘’I knew it.’’

  
He pulled a blanket over the two and went to book another room so he could get a few hours in too.


	12. Everybody loves pancakes

Dean was awoken by a text, he slowly untangled from Cas’s grip and grabbed his phone.   
  
_Checked into another room, wanted to get some few hours in too.  
Getting some breakfast now, text me back when you’re both awake.   
Cas and you were quite cozy huh? Cute.   
_**_Sam 10:14 AM_  
  
**‘’Bitch.’’ Dean said out loud, but he couldn’t stop a small smile appearing on his lips.  
  
‘’Dean? Why are you out of bed?’’   
  
‘’Sam texted me.’’ He said before laying down again next to Cas, who pulled him closer with his wing.  
  
‘’You have quite an advantage with those huh?’’ 

‘’They can be helpful… yes.’’ Castiel said with a smirk.   
‘’What did Sam want?’’ 

‘’He checked into another room, He’s getting some breakfast now. How you feeling Cas?’’   
  
‘’Better, I think the bullethole healed completely. My wings are still uncomfortable and painful, but much better than yesterday.’’   
  
‘’I’m sorry we couldn’t get there sooner.’’ 

‘’It would just be putting yourself and Sam in danger, you needed to know where you were going into. Im fine now.’’

‘’Yeah, but that bitch-..’’   
  
‘’Is dead now. Don’t worry about it Dean.’’ 

Someone knocked on the door.  
‘’Come in!’’ Dean shouted, instantly recognising the pattern. And absolutely not wanting to get up yet.   
  
‘’I didn’t know if Cas needed some food to recharge, so I brought some pancakes and Coffee.  
You guys getting up or are you gonna eat in bed like the spoiled princesses you are?’’ 

‘’Hey! I never got breakfast in bed before, you’ve had enough chances when you were sick and I took care of you ’n shit. Hand me the syrup.’’   
  
‘’I don’t need food.’’ Castiel said.  
  
‘’No, of course you don’t.’’ Dean rolled his eyes. ‘’But Sam bought it and everybody loves pancakes. So you’re gonna shut up and stuff your mouth.’’   
  
Castiel thought it was best to follow that order and the three ate breakfast in bed, well.. Dean and Cas enjoyed breakfast in bed. Sam was sitting on the chair and shooting them looks every 3 seconds.

____  
  
‘’So get this..’’ Sam began after they had finished eating and both Cas and Dean were cleaned up and wearing normal clothes. 

‘’Can you even start a sentence without ‘’So get this?’’ We’re not listening any better if that’s what you think it does.’’ 

Sam coughed.   
  
‘’Okay, right. Well, there’s still a huge warehouse with frozen monsters out there, what are we going to do about that?’’ 

‘’Set them free.’’ Castiel said determined.  
  
‘’Cas.. I don’t think that’s a good idea.’’ 

 

‘’Dean, they’re still living beings! Nobody deserves that fate..’’ Castiel actually shivered as he thought about it, like he could feel the cold he’d been in on his skin again.  
  
‘’Cas, Buddy I’m sorry… It must’ve been though-‘’  
  
‘’We’re not talking about that now.’’ Castiel said through clenched teeth.   
‘’Most of the things in there are innocent, they had to be an easy target for Louise.   
If they do go bad we’ll hunt them down like we always do. But they deserve a second change.’’   
  
‘’Sorry Dean, I’m with Cas here. We don’t know if those monsters are actually.. well uhm.. monsters.’’   
  
‘’Fine. We’ll set them free, Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, and I think it’s gonna be a hell of a mess to clean in the future, but.. yeah, nobody deserves that.’’   
  
Cas gave Dean a small smile.


	13. Every star has it's own place

Chapter 13  
  
Sam, Dean and Cas were sitting in the impala, it was late at night and there were a lot of stars today, Castiel was looking out of the window lost in though, he’d had a discussion with Dean earlier today about him not coming with them, Dean had said that Castiel was still too weak and needed to rest, but because Cas was a trained soldier and was able to shoot the most terrifying of looks, he had won. 

‘’Okay, before we go in, how many of those cages are actually in the building?’’Sam asked.  
  
‘’I don’t know. I’ve only seen the hallway that I was in.’’ 

‘’So the entire warehouse could be stuffed with Monster imitating icecubes? That’s just.. great.’’ Dean commented, rolling his eyes.  
  
‘’In theory, it could. But I don’t think Louise was able too, seems like she was mainly just trying to get to us, and decided to add every monster in between to her collection.’’   
  
‘’Why did she start this anyway? Heard her rambling some bullshit about some Jim, was that her husband?’’  
  
‘’Hunters accidentally mistook Jim for a vampire when they were hunting a nest. He wasn’t actually her husband but I guess she loved him, she never got the change to admit her love and became obsessed with revenge.’’   
  
‘’But we didn’t kill that man? Or did we.. ?’’ Sam asked carefully.   
  
‘’No. But she thought all hunters are the same, I tried to talk with her and explain that wasn’t the truth, but she was not to be bargained with.’’   
  
‘’Figures. Still don’t feel bad for her death, she had It coming.’’ Dean said.   
He knew he should feel sorry for her, they didn’t kill humans. But nobody hurts Cas like that and walks aways, absolutely no fucking body. 

Castiel thought about it.   
Did he feel regret for her death? She hadn’t been .. kind to him, she also couldn’t really be considered an innocent. But she was still a human, and Castiel never liked to kill his fathers creations. So yes, he felt regretful about killing her, but it was necessary, if he hadn’t she had probably hurt a lot more people, including Dean. And Castiel automatically hated anybody who tried to hurt Dean.

They rode for a few more hours in silence with low volumed rock on in the background.  
Eventually they parked the car and when they were climbing out of the impala Dean stopped Castiel.   
  
‘’You don’t have to go back there if you don’t want to, Sam and I can handle this.’’ 

‘’You need my assistance, I’m gonna be fine Dean. She’s dead.’’   
  
‘’I think it’s better you sit in the car and heal up a bit, I can pray to you if we need you.’’   
  
Did Castiel really want to go back? No, he hated that building, and he didn’t wanna see Louise (even in her Dead form) ever again, he wasn’t afraid of her… He just didn’t like the memories that would come up with seeing her body again. 

‘’Okay.’’

  
‘’Okay?’’ Dean was surprised, he thought this was gonna be another long discussion but Cas gave up too easy, didn’t seem to be as fine as he said he was.  
  
‘’I will sit here and ‘'heal up a bit.’’ But if anything goes wrong you will call immediately, understood?’’   
  
‘’Yes, of course. I promise.’’   
  
‘’Good.’’   
_____  
  
Dean and Sam walked through the dark hallways with filled cages.   
  
‘’So, have you and Cas talked?’’   
  
‘’About what?’’

‘’Your feelings?’’  
  
‘’No.’’

Sam sighed.   
‘’Some day you’re gonna have to, you know.’’  
  
‘’Sam I know, I- I’m just waiting for the right time.’’   
  
‘’There won’t be a right time. It’s a stupid excuse for not telling him, you fight monsters for a goddamn living! Yet you two run around each other like two scared school crushes and I’m so done with it!’’  
  
‘’When his wings are better, I will tell him when he’s got all his strength back.’’  
  
‘’Okay, but you’re gonna. Or I will, and I’m not kidding.’’   
  
‘’How are we gonna free all these without them killing us?’’ Dean asked, changing the subject.   
  
‘’Uhm.. Good question, I think there should be like an emergency button or something, in warehouses like this it’s standard procedure. We’re just going to have to find it, what are we gonna do about Louise?’’  
  
‘’Leave her body to rot, like she wanted to do with Cas.’’   
  
‘’Dean.’’ 

‘’No Sammy. Fuck her, she doesn’t deserve to be burned.’’   
  
‘’We’re gonna have to clean up after ourself. What if we just burn the entire building after we’ve freed every monster?’’   
  
‘’Fine, you’re right, I don’t want the bitch to haunt my ass.’’  
  
‘’I thought you were always right, and I was always wrong?’’  
  
‘’Shut the fuck up. I’m mostly always right.’’   
  
‘’Sure.’’

____

Dean found Cas sitting on the hood of the impala gazing at the stars,   
It was a nice sight to see and he just stood there and stared at the angel for a while before walking over to him.  
  
‘’Hey Cas.’’ 

‘’Dean? Where’s Sam, are all the monsters free?’'  
  
‘’Sam found a button that’s gonna open all the cages and run, told me to go because ‘’He had bigger feet and is ‘’faster’’.’’   
  
Dean climbed next to Cas on the impala.   
  
‘’Dean, I want to tell you something but you have to promise you won’t get mad.’’   
  
‘’Only if you give me a good reason too.’’ 

‘’Sometimes when you and Sam are asleep I take the impala for a drive and go star gazing. I don’t know why I don’t take my own car but I guess I like this one better. Feel more save with it.’’   
  
‘’There’s a lot of stars tonight, do you know what they mean?’’   
  
‘’You’re not mad?’’  
  
‘’Nahh, I’ve seen you drive. You won’t crash baby. What do you like about stars?’’  
  
‘’Every star has it’s own place, yet there’s not always there. I like to see which ones are missing and why. It nice to kill the time until you and Sam are awake.’’   
  
Dean got closer to Cas, he hesitated but eventually he placed his hand over Cas’s and Cas’s fingers closed around Dean’s. They sat like that for a few minutes until Dean leaned even more in the touch and placed his head on Cas’s shoulders, Cas’s good wing folded around Dean.   
No words were spoken, but there was no need too. The silence was not uncomfortable, it was comforting. Dean wasn’t mad that Cas took the impala, he (and maybe Sam sometimes) were the only ones he would ever trust with baby. 

Until they were interrupted by the sound off an alarm, and not many seconds later Sam who was running out off the building to the impala.


	14. Burned and buried

Chapter 14

Sam, Dean and Castiel decided that it was best to wait until all the monsters scattered far away from the building into the night. Then they would come back and burn the building.   
  
‘’I still don’t like this one bit.’’   
  
‘’Dean, they didn’t deserve to live their lives in cages. They may be monsters, but they’re not someones pets.’’ 

Dean sighed.   
  
‘’You guys hungry?’’  
  
‘’I could eat.’’ Sam answered.

‘’No.’’   
  
‘’Too bad, did the pancakes taste like monocles?’’   
  
‘’No.’’   
  
‘’Then you need some real food too.’’   
  
‘’Dean…’’   
  
‘’No, no Deaning me. You better enjoy it while you can still taste it.’’   
  
Cas saw no point in reacting, he did prefer the taste of real food over monocles, and he was already starting to feel better, a few stitches had fallen out of his wings and soon the rest would follow. Then his grace would also be intact again and food would taste awful once again.  
So yeah, it was better to ‘’just enjoy it while you can still taste it.’’   
  
They pulled up in the parking lot of an almost empty dinner.   
An old couple was eating fries in the corner of the restaurant and a bored looking waitress leaning against the counter, typing something on her phone.   
  
Sam walked over to the waitress as she put her phone away.   
Cas was to stay in the car, Dean was scared he would give the old couple a heart attack with his wings out. It was late anyways and he wouldn’t be noticed in the dark and in the safety of the impala. The few teenagers stumbling around the streets were too drunk to give the car a second look anyways.   
  
Dean had decided to keep Cas company as Sam ordered a salad, and two cheeseburgers.  
  
‘’How you feeling Cas?’’   
  
‘’I’m fine.’’   
  
‘’That’s bullshit, you didn’t want to go back in the warehouse. You were scared.’’   
  
‘’You didn’t want me to go back, and I wasn’t scared.. I just dislike the memories I made in that building.’’   
  
‘’You want to talk about what she did to you?’’   
  
‘’I’d rather just forget it.’’ 

‘’Sometimes you need to talk about something in order to forget it.’’   
  
Cas huffed. ‘’Because you always talk about your traumatic experiences openly.’’ 

‘’Well… I try to. I’m just bad at it.’’   
  
‘’I don’t want to talk about it right now Dean! Just leave it alone please.’’   
Castiel actually raised his voice for a second, like he was angry at Dean for asking about it.   
  
Dean got a flashback of another time Cas had raised his voice like that.  
A situation similar to this, a while back.   
But Dean had never completely forgotten about it, he had always thought he would ask Cas about it again someday. He never did though, the subject was too sensitive.. and their relationship was already so complicated.   
  
_‘’How you feeling Cas?’’  
  
‘’Im fine’’  
  
Dean know that was the biggest lie of the century.   
Cas couldn’t possible be fine after what they had just been through together.  
  
‘’I just know that when I got puked outta purgatory it took me a few weeks to..find my sea legs.’’  
  
‘’I’m fine.’’   
  
There it is again.   
  
‘’Well, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re back I- I’m frickin thrilled.   
It’s just this whole.. mysterious resurrection thing. It always has one mother of a downside.’'  
  
‘’So what do you want me to do?’’  
  
‘’Maybe take a trip upstairs?’’   
  
Somebody had to know how Cas got back.. Right?   
It smelled weirdly like something with wings to Dean.   
  
‘’To heaven?’’   
_ __  
‘’Yeah, poke around. See if the god squad can tell us how you got out.’’  
  
‘’No.’’   
  
‘’Look man I- I hate those flying ass monkeys just as much as you do but-..’’   
  
‘’Dean! I said no!’’   


_Woah. That was freaky. Cas didn’t snap like that.. ever?_  
At least not at Dean, not like this.   
And usually Cas used every excuse he could get to fly to heaven and away from the Winchesters.   
Sure.. He had changed. Heaven had changed.   
But he would at least like to know how it there.. right?

_Those winged douchebags were Cas’s family before the Winchesters._  
  
Dean closed his laptop, and walked over to the bed next to were Cas was sitting on.  
  
‘’Talk to me.’’  
Cas was going to talk. And Dean would listen.   
‘’Dean I.. When I was bad. When I had all those things- The Leviathans riding inside me…   
I caused a lot of suffering on earth. But I devastated heaven.. I vaporised thousands of my own kind.. And I- Du.. I d.. I can’t go back.’’  
  
‘’Cuz you’re afraid the angels will kill you.’’   


_Dean knew what it was like to be scared of your own brother(s)._  
Hell even he had tried to kill Sam a few times.   
Family issues sucked ass.   
  
‘’Because if I see.. What heaven’s become.. What I..’’ Castiel had to look away and let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. ‘’What I made of it..’’   
  
He looked Dean straight in the eye.  
  
‘’I’m afraid I might kill myself.’’   
  
And of course that was the moment Sam had chosen to enter the hotel room and prevent Dean from reacting to that sentence and helping his best friend(ish).  
  
He’d looked Dean straight in the eye. And said that.   
And Dean had done nothing.   
  
____  
  
‘’Cas, after we’ve burned that warehouse to the ground. You’re gonna talk to me. You’re going to tell me everything that happened with Louise and we will figure our shit out. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk about it because I do.’’   
  
‘’Dean I- ‘’  
  
Sam entered the car with a bag of warm food.   
This time Cas couldn’t say what he’d wanted to say.   
But Dean was going to make sure that he would get that change.  
____  
  
They drove back to the warehouse.   
Dean kept looking at Cas from the front seat. But the angel’s expression was unreadable.   
  
They went inside and emptied every last drop off oil and gasoline they had.   
  
‘’Any last words?’’ Dean said as they stood in front of the door.   
He was met by silence.

‘’Alright then.’’ Dean threw the match inside and closed the door.  
  
They watched the fire spread in silence until Cas began to talk;   
  
‘’She kidnapped me from my hotel room. I was searching for her, I though I was prepared. I knew she was going after you and I couldn’t let that happen.’’   
  
‘’Cas you want to do this now?’’   
  
‘’Yes. You wanted me to talk. So I’m going to talk.’’   
  
Dean nodded. ‘’Go ahead.’’   
Sam looked between the two and decided they probably needed some privacy for this part.’’I’ll be- in the car.’’   
  
When Sam was gone Cas continued.   
  
‘’She had a spell. I couldn’t control my vessel anymore. I- I couldn’t move. She handcuffed me with Enochian cuffs and dumped me in the back of the van. I should’ve seen it coming.. I should’ve.. ’’ 

‘’You couldn’t possibly know she knew so much about Angels, don’t blame this on yourself.’’   
  
‘’She could’ve gotten to you Dean.. I’m supposed to protect you.’’  
  
‘’Well, I’m goddamn supposed to protect you. We protect each other. That’s how this works okay? Tell me everything Cas, so I can do better at my job.’   
  
‘’She conjured my wings. I didn’t think that was possible for a human to do. But she knew so much, I can’t help but be a bit impressed.’’   
  
‘’We both underestimated the bitch.’’ 

‘’After that she put those ridiculous clothes on me. She had planned everything from the beginning, it’s madness. She had already explained to me what she was going to do and why… she wanted to freeze me and make you watch for entirety. Wanted us to realise what we could have but would never reach. Like her and Jim.’’   
  
‘’She was fucking Crazy Cas, I have never seen a monster so mad as her- ‘’ 

‘’Was she really Dean?’’ 

‘’What do you mean?’’   
  
‘’Dean.. Even she saw it, and she hadn’t even met us. How blind are we? I’ve been an angel for my entire life. I’m not supposed to feel anything. I’m supposed to fight and not question anything.   
I’m not made to feel the way I feel about you. And I’m tired of it being left unsaid…’  
  
Dean didn’t react. He just stared at Castiel in utter shock. 

‘’If you want me to leave-‘’   
  
‘’Who said anything about you leaving Cas?’’ 

Cas frowned and tried to read the answer from Dean’s face.  
  
Dean was just as done with it being left unsaid as Cas. So it was here, with the fire of horrible memories still burning bright beside them that Dean finally made a move.  
He got closer to the angel and placed his hands on Cas’s hips.   
  
‘’Dean…’’ Cas said his name so much different than seconds ago. There was so much more vulnerability in the way he said it, so many questions.   
  
Dean kissed Cas.   
Soft, not demanding, not confident, scared the angel would pull back.  
But Cas didn’t pull back. He deepened the kiss, closed his eyes and placed his hand agains Dean’s back. His wings lost all tension and fell limp against the angels back.   
Dean took it as a good sign.   
  
Dean was the one to pull away, he had to make sure Cas knew, that he’d understand. That Dean wanted him alive. And with him. Forever.   
  
‘’Stay, with me.’’   
  
‘’I don’t want to do anything else.. I- I love you Dean.’’ 

‘’I love you too, you idiot.’’   
  
And then Cas’s lips were against his again.

And Dean was pretty sure this was what heaven felt like.. quite literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, like all things do- this story had come to an end.   
> Thank you for leaving kudos and comments, I always appreciate them a lot :)


End file.
